Wrong Definitions (Part 2)
Wrong Definitions (part 2)
Not long ago, I wrote about my passion for using the right words or the right phrases to communicate, because words are important. Prov. 18:20 says, “Wise words satisfy like a good meal; the right words bring satisfaction.” Jesus said, “Heaven and earth will disappear, but my words will never disappear.” Matt. 24:35, Mark 13:31, Luke 21:33.
When communication is stressed by God as being important, we should pay attention! My next word adventure begins with the word expectation.
Expectation, a good expectation.
Expectation is another one of those words that I think can be misunderstood. One definition that I found of expectation is “a strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future.” We see this usage of the word in Romans 8:19-21:
For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God.
It is a little mind blowing to think that creation is waiting for the day that we will be revealed to everything and everyone as God’s chosen children. But also, as God’s children, we are waiting with an expectation for God to act in circumstances about which we are praying. We wait with expectation for God to intervene in our sad state of death and decay.
Israel waited expectantly for the Messiah to arrive for thousands of years, until that fateful day that the angel Gabriel approached Mary with news of the imminent birth of Jesus. Expectation is a good thing. We have a loving God in heaven who promises good for us. David says, “I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.” (Ps. 27:13)
In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly. Ps. 5:3
I would also call this type of expectation hope.
Expectation, a bad expectation.
What if your reality is that expectation is a bad thing? How is that even possible? It is possible when you define expectation by the second part of the definition: “a belief that someone will or should achieve something.” This is the expectation that I have grown up with and has shaped a lot of my life. This is the expectation that I would file under the heading of People Pleasing. I am sure you are affected by this same definition of expectation.
When people place their personal expectations onto someone else, this is an unhealthy expectation. When we project our expectations onto other people, we do the same thing. Through our attempts at placing our personal expectations on others, we (in a sense) try to play God in their lives. It can become harmful, a form of control, manipulation, and violating the freedom of others.
Contrast of the two types of expectation.
Let me give you an example of what this can look like:
Going on a mission trip is something that I have always wanted to do. Formerly, I belonged to a church that really promoted missions. They made it sound doable for anybody who wanted to go. Exciting. Since my heart was with missions, I was so grateful for the pastor who made going on a mission trip sound so possible, and not scary at all. When I made the decision to go with my son (who was 14 at the time), I never once doubted that this was possible and safe. I was going with the good expectation of serving the Lord and following Him.
However, not all the people in my life believed that going on a mission trip was good, exciting, safe, and doable. I had people in my circle who lived in fear of the unknown, fear of things that seem hard and impossible, fear of different things and change. They lived in the second form of bad expectation and verbalized repeatedly their fear for my safety, fear of the unknown, fear of the cost of the trip, fear of the language barriers, fear of unknown governments, fear of unknown animals and threats. Their foreboding warnings became naggings in my soul. Their naggings beat into my psyche their rehearsed fear and anxiety. It became difficult and unbearable.
Cannot the God of the universe provide all things for all people? Especially for those who proclaim His name?
Yes, He can.
Unfortunately, when there are people in your world who want to convince you to not obey God, the best thing I could think of to do was to start walking away from that relationship until I returned from the mission trip. Sometimes, those you love the most are not always looking at life through the lens of the truth of God’s Word. We can’t make them. That becomes me pushing my expectations onto them. They expected me to change because of their fear. I expected them to change because of the Word that they refused to believe.
What can we do?
Trying to fix or change other people is just something we cannot do. The picture that God has been showing me repeatedly is this truth: He is a filler, not a forcer. In the Old Testament, the glory of the Lord filled the Tabernacle once it was completed and dedicated. Likewise, His Spirit fills a surrendered, emptied, and dedicated vessel to be used for His glory. God won’t abuse us into submission.
This applies to my example above: God has given every one of us free will. Free will to follow Him and free will to reject Him. We can’t force anyone to do either. We cannot control them into a relationship with Jesus. And others cannot control us into rejecting Him as our Savior. What we can do is supply the information that others may be lacking. But we can only do this with love, compassion, and grace… and they must be willing to listen and hear.
Application.
This is where I ask you the question: is it possible that you are trying to coerce and force change in a person who is not willing to change? Are you asking them to conform to your expectations?
Secondly, is someone expecting you to change in ways you are not willing to change? Communicate that to them. Don’t allow yourself to be brutalized into change that is for someone else and not for God!
Seek Him and His will. He will always guide you into the ways He wants you to change.
Some Scriptures to reflect on: 1 Peter 1:3-21, 1 John 3:1-3, Colossians 1:3-6, James 4
Not long ago, I wrote about my passion for using the right words or the right phrases to communicate, because words are important. Prov. 18:20 says, “Wise words satisfy like a good meal; the right words bring satisfaction.” Jesus said, “Heaven and earth will disappear, but my words will never disappear.” Matt. 24:35, Mark 13:31, Luke 21:33.
When communication is stressed by God as being important, we should pay attention! My next word adventure begins with the word expectation.
Expectation, a good expectation.
Expectation is another one of those words that I think can be misunderstood. One definition that I found of expectation is “a strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future.” We see this usage of the word in Romans 8:19-21:
For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God.
It is a little mind blowing to think that creation is waiting for the day that we will be revealed to everything and everyone as God’s chosen children. But also, as God’s children, we are waiting with an expectation for God to act in circumstances about which we are praying. We wait with expectation for God to intervene in our sad state of death and decay.
Israel waited expectantly for the Messiah to arrive for thousands of years, until that fateful day that the angel Gabriel approached Mary with news of the imminent birth of Jesus. Expectation is a good thing. We have a loving God in heaven who promises good for us. David says, “I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.” (Ps. 27:13)
In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly. Ps. 5:3
I would also call this type of expectation hope.
Expectation, a bad expectation.
What if your reality is that expectation is a bad thing? How is that even possible? It is possible when you define expectation by the second part of the definition: “a belief that someone will or should achieve something.” This is the expectation that I have grown up with and has shaped a lot of my life. This is the expectation that I would file under the heading of People Pleasing. I am sure you are affected by this same definition of expectation.
When people place their personal expectations onto someone else, this is an unhealthy expectation. When we project our expectations onto other people, we do the same thing. Through our attempts at placing our personal expectations on others, we (in a sense) try to play God in their lives. It can become harmful, a form of control, manipulation, and violating the freedom of others.
Contrast of the two types of expectation.
Let me give you an example of what this can look like:
Going on a mission trip is something that I have always wanted to do. Formerly, I belonged to a church that really promoted missions. They made it sound doable for anybody who wanted to go. Exciting. Since my heart was with missions, I was so grateful for the pastor who made going on a mission trip sound so possible, and not scary at all. When I made the decision to go with my son (who was 14 at the time), I never once doubted that this was possible and safe. I was going with the good expectation of serving the Lord and following Him.
However, not all the people in my life believed that going on a mission trip was good, exciting, safe, and doable. I had people in my circle who lived in fear of the unknown, fear of things that seem hard and impossible, fear of different things and change. They lived in the second form of bad expectation and verbalized repeatedly their fear for my safety, fear of the unknown, fear of the cost of the trip, fear of the language barriers, fear of unknown governments, fear of unknown animals and threats. Their foreboding warnings became naggings in my soul. Their naggings beat into my psyche their rehearsed fear and anxiety. It became difficult and unbearable.
Cannot the God of the universe provide all things for all people? Especially for those who proclaim His name?
Yes, He can.
Unfortunately, when there are people in your world who want to convince you to not obey God, the best thing I could think of to do was to start walking away from that relationship until I returned from the mission trip. Sometimes, those you love the most are not always looking at life through the lens of the truth of God’s Word. We can’t make them. That becomes me pushing my expectations onto them. They expected me to change because of their fear. I expected them to change because of the Word that they refused to believe.
What can we do?
Trying to fix or change other people is just something we cannot do. The picture that God has been showing me repeatedly is this truth: He is a filler, not a forcer. In the Old Testament, the glory of the Lord filled the Tabernacle once it was completed and dedicated. Likewise, His Spirit fills a surrendered, emptied, and dedicated vessel to be used for His glory. God won’t abuse us into submission.
This applies to my example above: God has given every one of us free will. Free will to follow Him and free will to reject Him. We can’t force anyone to do either. We cannot control them into a relationship with Jesus. And others cannot control us into rejecting Him as our Savior. What we can do is supply the information that others may be lacking. But we can only do this with love, compassion, and grace… and they must be willing to listen and hear.
Application.
This is where I ask you the question: is it possible that you are trying to coerce and force change in a person who is not willing to change? Are you asking them to conform to your expectations?
Secondly, is someone expecting you to change in ways you are not willing to change? Communicate that to them. Don’t allow yourself to be brutalized into change that is for someone else and not for God!
Seek Him and His will. He will always guide you into the ways He wants you to change.
Some Scriptures to reflect on: 1 Peter 1:3-21, 1 John 3:1-3, Colossians 1:3-6, James 4
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